Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope
Regarding singles who met and married in the church: Things often moved way too fast. You need to get to know a person before you enter into marriage. Often the person you see in the meetings may not be exactly the person you think you are marrying. I observed my wife for several months before I expressed any interest directly to her. By then I knew that if she would have me then I would be very blessed. Then, we had a 14 month engagement. We saw each other several times a week during this time. I visited with her parents. By the time we had the wedding we really knew each other and there were few surprises. But in Dallas singles moved very fast to be married. This was the church culture.
Other than George Whitington, very few of the leaders spoke of the wonderfulness of marriage. WL himself was very negative in almost every instance in which he spoke of marriage. He had a very skewed view of marriage and family and it affected the leaders in the local churches.
Don Rutledge
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Don, you are speaking something that needs to be spoken. Regarding marriages, I believe at times there's too much credence given to what the leadership thinks of a particular spouse potential. I've been told from brothers in the past sister's they had a burden for was discouraged because the sister was considered too new to the churchlife or deemed too beautiful for the brother, etc. Instead of seeking out advice from a mature brother whose been married to the same sister for 40-60 years, fellowship is sought out with a leader who may or may not be the best candidate for seeking advice on marriage.
Some of us who grew up in the local churches may have experienced what I have. There's the teaching of not dating before you're ready for marriage. How do you know when that time is? If you do feel you're at that time, how do you get to know someone of the opposite gender whether there's compatability or not? Often there's an invisible barrier if you say anything beyond the superficial greeting in passing, you may make the other person uncomfortable or you may raise eyebrows from certain brothers. What do you do? Seek fellowship from the brothers? There's an invisible obstacle and not knowing how to proceed. In my case I considered the social situation in my locality to be indifferent so I opened my mind beyond the local churches. I took the iniative and got to know a non-lc sister as a friend first and then marriage. Of course marriage was such a crucial decision, it needed countless hours of prayer; month after month. As it is now marriage of 11 years, a son of 9, and a daughter of 8.
Terry