Quote:
Originally Posted by OBW
Scripture is correct when it says that we become “one flesh.” But that does not mean that we cease to be “two flesh.” It is not a contradiction, but is about different things. He is always who he is, and so is she. At the same time, there is a new entity that joins to be “married,” and do the things of marriage, including bearing and raising children.
But this joint life does not end your separate life. And you will discover how real and strong those two separate lives can be. It does not matter if one of you is prone to being passive. The very act of being passive is often a tool of defense of who you are. “They may boss me around, but they can’t get inside of me.”
Here is where notions of position and place collapse. If he wants to be the “head” he will fail. And as much as she wants to submit, it won’t happen. Instead, look at the whole of the verses in Ephesians 5. It begins in verse 21 with “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This is the set-up verse. Then verse 22 begins with “wives, to your husbands,” and then verse 25 says “husbands, to your wives.” There are surely other words there, but these are the links to the primary command in verse 21. We have presumed that these verses create some sort of hierarchy between husband and wife. But instead they charge each to do the part that is theirs in submission to the other. I know it sounds funny, but consider that Jesus said that the true position of a disciple is as servant to all. That includes to your spouse.
But instead of relying on Paul’s words (acknowledging that they are also God’s words), let’s look at those of Jesus. As part of His answer concerning what is the greatest commandment, Jesus actually provides two which he joins as a unit upon which all the rest are built. That second commandment is in Matthew 22:39 and it says “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It does not say to love them more than yourself. It does not say to love them almost as much as yourself. It also does not suggest that you should love yourself less, then love them that much.
Now, the first thing that may come to mind is “since when is my spouse my neighbor?” When you look at the parallel account in Luke 10, we see that there was a follow-on question. It was “who is my neighbor?” The answer has resulted in a lot of different interpretations, but the best answer is that whoever you have contact with is your neighbor. Now who do you suppose a married person has a whole lot of contact with? If you say “my spouse” you have won the prize! So whether you want to say that Paul has simply said “love your neighbor who happens to be my spouse just like I love myself” in a different way, or you want to say that Jesus said to “submit to your spouse” in a different way, both are correct. And if you think that being a servant of all is only referring to serving the “saints” and not also referring to your spouse, and to all your neighbors, both those who live in proximity and those we come in contact with both physically and “virtually” in so many ways every day, then you have missed the meaning.
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So we have 2 separate entities, "joined to be one", yet still separate, with the command, to love the person next to you (your neighbor). Your spouse, your children, your parents, your cousins and your best friend from grade school. As well as the mundane, "people on the street" passers-by. The Samaritan had no compelling reason to recognize the wounded traveller, but somehow he realized that God had placed this dying creature in his path, and "God" within him rose up and moved.
I agree with you that the home and the marriage is the place to practice loving your neighbor as yourself, and to fortify us for the man-on-the-street contacts. Even though spouses do in fact remain separate and distinct, they can practice caring for another person's well-being as much as they care for their own.
I think it's very, very important to rest Paul's words upon the words of Jesus, as you have done. If we just examine Paul's words "in a vacuum" we can becom unbalanced (and yes, I do recognize Paul's words as from God).