[Bradley]

Originally Posted by kumbaya

No kidding! I would say that if God created a women specifically for you- from your own rib- then yes, go ahead and marry her right away! Ha!

The problem is, there's no way of knowing if someone is your rib or not. I was certain my ex was my rib, I called her 'my God-ordained wife'. I literally married my ex because I was convinced that she was the rib that God had prepared for me.

When you've been separated from the opposite sex your whole life then you're like a starving hobo, gratefully gorging yourself on any food you can get your hands on. Not picky, low standards, you also have no experience in knowing what to look for. You don't really know what you like or what you don't like. You think you're 'in love' when really you're just getting some romantic affection and feeling some chemistry for the first time in your life. Especially if you get married quickly, there's no time to spot the red flags - or if you do see some, you don't take them seriously until its too late.

I'm done with the 'Christian way' of finding a partner. Fed up with it. I'm still a redeemed believer, but I absolutely refuse to submit to those rules for my love life. "Take whatever woman you can get without any skills in how to attract a woman and then commit your whole life to her before you know her well enough to trust her". Its the ultimate gamble and I am not a gambling man. The odds of finding a good partner this way are not in your favour! Let me explain:

To get a good partner you need to make some comparisons, but without knowing whats inside the box (really getting to know someone, i.e. by living with them) its hard to compare. Also you've never seen inside a box before, so you wouldn't know what you're looking for even if you did open it. Oh and thats just getting to know their personality, don't even get me started on sexual compatibility!

A man needs to be highly attractive to women (i.e. *skilled* in attracting women) in order to get a woman of value, and in order to learn those skills, you need to first be with women. You might argue that there are other things that attract women i.e. being spiritual and being financially secure, but I'm talking raw attraction here, not long term husband material stuff, that's not enough.

In order to be attractive enough to get a high quality woman, you need to have experience with women. If you have never been with a woman in your life, you are like a job applicant at a job interview with no work experience, you have never been employed in your whole life but you are asking that person to employ you and you alone for their whole life. Again, Christian women can ignore this because they don't know what they're looking for, but they'll be disappointed after they get married when they do eventually realise what is missing.

If a man has never had a girlfriend and he's getting older and lonelier, he'll be coming from a position of scarcity with regards to women. He will be needy, and no woman likes a needy man. Its just not attractive.

If a man is lucky enough to find a woman while being in a position of scarcity, she will have way too much power over him, because if he loses her he will be womanless again and it will be a struggle to find a replacement. So he allows her to take the lead. If she chooses to enjoy this power that she has, he is whipped, and say 'yes hunny' whenever she tells him what to do. Meanwhile she loses attraction for him because he isn't being masculine and so won't have sex with him. He needs sex, so she uses it against him to get what she wants. The sex becomes 'duty sex' and is plain vanilla, nothing special. Both parties lose attraction for each other, divorces and affairs inevitably happen.

However if a man dates around for a while, learns what kind of women he is attracted to, learns some skill in how to flirt and be with women, he becomes comfortable around women. He is not anxious about getting a girlfriend so he is not desperate or needy. He can pick and choose. He can reject women that would make an unhealthy relationship, because he's not needy, and he knows the right red flags to look out for, being the experienced man he is. Also, being the high value man that he is and able to get a replacement woman easily if she left him, she does not have the power to withold sex or otherwise boss him around. He is therefore able to take the lead in the family (in a loving way), maintaining masculinity, so she continues to respect him and be attracted to him. Their sex life stays healthy because it is built on mutual love and attraction.

TLDR/Conclusion:
If you don't date around a little before you get married, you're playing Russian Roulette with your future. You'll probably marry someone who isn't that awesome because you don't know what to look for, and because all the really awesome people are taken by those who have dated around. You will be inexperienced in dealing with the opposite sex and therefore shy, awkward and unappealling to the opposite sex. You will be in a position of scarcity due to your loneliness which will make you needy and even less appealing to the opposite sex. In your desperation and inexperience you will not be in the habit of rejecting people who are interested in you, not knowing what red flags to look for, and you'll be too desperate to really choose anyway - just glad that someone is willing to marry you. Your inexperience with the opposite sex and your scarcity and loneliness will trick you into thinking you're in love, when its really just your hormones and raging emotions. Your marriage will be unpleasant because the man loses his masculinity in the woman's eyes when she is able to boss him around, sexual interest fizzles out, and either the marriage breaks up or they just stay together in a dull, bland relationship.

Feel free to disagree, but this is my personal understanding of relationships, and why I choose to date women.