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04-13-2018, 03:39 AM

I can so relate to many of the situations here being a church kid myself. I think that the whole treatment and handling of relationships in the local churches is the number one thing that caused me to start seeing all the flaws in the local church and eventually stop meeting. Growing up in the local church environment my memories are of gender segregated meetings from the age of 11 and every single camp/conference/training involved a meeting that was dedicated to brainwashing us about how terrible relationships are (unless you've finished your studies, worked a bit, completed 2 years training and are therefore ready to get married). All sorts of weird illustrations were given such as "its wrong for biological brothers and sisters to be in relationships in real life and therefore it's just the same in the church life between brothers and sisters (until God says otherwise)." As a result the obedient types have next to no ability to communicate normally with the opposite sex. Then you are expected to marry someone in the church life and lets just say... its slim pickings.

I too have observed some semi arranged marriages happen within my locality with a few adding to the casualties.
I especially feel sorry for the sisters passing 30 who are starting to realise that they have been disillusioned by the whole "God will provide a husband" mentality. 90% of your eggs are gone by the time you are 30. Its a stark contrast to the majority of mainstream christianity who in my observations seem perfectly capable of finding and marrying their own spouse.

All I can say is I feel extremely fortunate to have had the sense to not listen to a word of the garbage relationship advice that was force fed to me. I met my (now) husband at these very trainings/conferences as a teen. I am also thankful that our parents weren't fanatical enough to try and force split us up (something I also witnessed amongst my peers). I remember at one training a few of us were sitting around a piano and eventually is was just me, my (now) husband and one other friend of ours. Then some serving one came in and took the "friend" to the side for a quick word. Apparently he was told not to leave the two of us alone by ourselves (so they definitely had their eyes on us). When we were a little older we were often arriving and sitting together in meetings and being seen all over the place together (despite not having the engagement ring of righteousness). The laser beam eyes and curious disapproving vibes were pretty real during those times.

Honestly, I'm pretty bitter about the whole thing, not so much for my sake but for a lot of people that I grew up with. The whole thing is just sad.

04-13-2018, 03:39 AM	#24
Unregistered Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Relationships/Courting I can so relate to many of the situations here being a church kid myself. I think that the whole treatment and handling of relationships in the local churches is the number one thing that caused me to start seeing all the flaws in the local church and eventually stop meeting. Growing up in the local church environment my memories are of gender segregated meetings from the age of 11 and every single camp/conference/training involved a meeting that was dedicated to brainwashing us about how terrible relationships are (unless you've finished your studies, worked a bit, completed 2 years training and are therefore ready to get married). All sorts of weird illustrations were given such as "its wrong for biological brothers and sisters to be in relationships in real life and therefore it's just the same in the church life between brothers and sisters (until God says otherwise)." As a result the obedient types have next to no ability to communicate normally with the opposite sex. Then you are expected to marry someone in the church life and lets just say... its slim pickings. I too have observed some semi arranged marriages happen within my locality with a few adding to the casualties. I especially feel sorry for the sisters passing 30 who are starting to realise that they have been disillusioned by the whole "God will provide a husband" mentality. 90% of your eggs are gone by the time you are 30. Its a stark contrast to the majority of mainstream christianity who in my observations seem perfectly capable of finding and marrying their own spouse. All I can say is I feel extremely fortunate to have had the sense to not listen to a word of the garbage relationship advice that was force fed to me. I met my (now) husband at these very trainings/conferences as a teen. I am also thankful that our parents weren't fanatical enough to try and force split us up (something I also witnessed amongst my peers). I remember at one training a few of us were sitting around a piano and eventually is was just me, my (now) husband and one other friend of ours. Then some serving one came in and took the "friend" to the side for a quick word. Apparently he was told not to leave the two of us alone by ourselves (so they definitely had their eyes on us). When we were a little older we were often arriving and sitting together in meetings and being seen all over the place together (despite not having the engagement ring of righteousness). The laser beam eyes and curious disapproving vibes were pretty real during those times. Honestly, I'm pretty bitter about the whole thing, not so much for my sake but for a lot of people that I grew up with. The whole thing is just sad.