Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelical
"how to you get to know someone well enough to determine if there’s something there to be built into friendship and beyond? " When we look at courtship in the Bible, there is really little support for the idea of long-term courtship for the purpose of "getting to know if someone is right for you".
I personally believe 1 month is long enough to know if someone is marriage material or not. The human body is designed to produce chemicals of attraction when two people of the opposite sex spend enough time together. This is why arranged marriages often work and couples that have been dating for too long (say up to 10 years) lose interest in each other and fall apart when the chemicals of attraction decline. I know Indian couples who are not Christians who have long and happy marriages despite not knowing each other before marriage.
The bible shows that God created Adam and brought Eve to him. He did not tell Adam to "try her out", or "see if you like her and if not I'll make you another". Neither did God create a few women and ask Adam to date each one for a year. The modern day concept of 1-5 year "dating" with the "try before your buy" idea is really a modern concept.
|
Yes, but when I was in the LC 1977-1981, I saw people getting married who literally did not know one another. They were not arranged marriages at all, just the acts of completely unexperienced young people whose courtship did not get past the infatuation stage. When they got engaged I was often surprised that they even knew one another. Thus there were some disasters. One that stands out is a marriage between a girl and guy who were completely unsuited to one another. They were plenty old enough - 25 and 26 - but when the infatuation stage wore off they were already married, they could actually "see" one another for who they were, and the arguing began. She began to see him as not smart enough for her and thus had no respect for him. They tried joining the army. They tried having a baby. Ultimately after about eight years of misery they parted ways. In his 30s he found a girl just right for him. I don't know what happened to her. I could tell other similar stories of disaster, but you get the picture.
I agree that the world's way of courting for 10 years before marriage is ridiculous. I think six months to a year is plenty of time. That gives you time to let the infatuation stage wear off and see if - the other party is a spendthrift, or is addicted to gambling, or has annoying habits you cannot abide, or if they have layabout relatives you will be expected to support, etc.