Quote:
Originally Posted by Trapped
I am at the point where about the only way God can prove to me He is worth opening to is to work out the spouse thing first. (Like "you drop your gun first, then I'll drop mine." "No you drop yours!' "No you drop yours!") So there's a massive, volcanically angry standoff between me and Him that I can't even think about too much because we all know the God of the universe will win every time, and I am convinced that even if He gets me to open to Him, He will end up twisting it so that "He is enough" rather than bringing someone along for me to spend my life with, which thought just pisses me off to no end too.
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Got it. Sorry I made assumptions in my last post.
Modified advice. Don't look for a spouse, and be a person that a spouse would love to hang out with. Don't be needy and grasping. Be satisfied and happy. Be caring. Be emotionally available. Be optimistic. Be pleasant. Be steady. Have a job that you like, and work hard at it - bring home the proverbial 'bacon'. Take care of all the practical stuff and you'll be ready to meet the right person.
But the key is, to control your "inner landscape". Control your emotions. If you are emotionally unstable, blowing this way and that, who would want to commit to hanging out with you?
If and when God comes into the landscape is another story. Actually my personal testimony is like this, somewhat. I left the LC, tried religion of various sorts (there are Christians even more frenzied than the LC - I found folks who made the LC look tame). Eventually I got tired of all the unanswered prayers and hopes and dreams and just gave up.
Eventually I found a career path that I loved. Gave myself to it. Kinda re-made myself in the secular realm. Most importantly of all, I learned to think again. I owned my own thoughts and feelings. Eventually I began to gravitate toward the "god" thing, but on my own terms. Not on someone else's.
And the romance/marriage thing worked out, too. But it had to be built on a good foundation. So focus on the foundational stuff and the relationship stuff will get added to that. Be the person you always wanted to be, and someone will want to hang out with you. It starts within.