Relationships/Courting

Trapped · 04-16-2018, 09:50 AM

No one here has complained "They wouldn't let me be alone with a MOTOS!" (abbreviating "member of the opposite sex" so I don't have to keep typing that whole phrase) or "They wouldn't let me be unhindered and uninhibited and do whatever I wanted with a MOTOS!"

Of course in the YP meetings, SSOT, any YP trips, in college, etc we were around MOTOS. We are not complaining that there were serving ones around to make sure everyone was safe, taken care of, and two people didn't run off and do something that would devastate their families and the church.

What has created long-lasting, life-affecting issues is the constant, "is that a MOTOS? RUN AWAY!!! FORNICATION!! You had a conversation?!?!? SINFUL!! YOU WERE CIRCLING THE WELL OF PREMARITAL SEX! YOU SMILED WITH THEM ABOUT A COMMON INTEREST?! YOU WERE INCHES AWAY FROM RUINING YOUR LIFE AND YOUR BODY AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND THE SAINTS AND THE CHURCH AND YOUR PARENTS AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN RUINED IRREVOCABLY!!!!"

I had a circle of (non-church) friends in high school who were just about the most innocuous group well-behaved, high achieving, normal guys and girls that any parent would love for their own children to have. They sought me out and included me because I was so fearful of getting "yoked with unbelievers" that I couldn't reach out and make normal friendship connections. The few times I went over to their house, while they were laughing and making jokes and having a great time (and yes, there were guys and girls sitting in the same living room), I could barely interact or relax or simply have a clear-headed, fun, enjoyable time with them (100% non-sinful) because of the massive weight of the "who are your friends? STAY AWAY!!" relentless drumbeat that had been drilled into me year after year. Those kind of happy childhood friendships were not something I was allowed (mentally) to have because of how evil and dangerous HAVING FRIENDS was made to be. As an adult I cannot fathom how any group of adults could collectively agree to teach impressionable young people that having friends is a bad and shameful thing. But it is still in me as I do not have any friends outside of the church and the thought of doing so still, as an adult, makes me feel like I would be rebelling or "stepping outside the safety of the ark" or would somehow get the divine retribution and I would get in some horrific car accident while driving somewhere with these evil non-saint friends that I had the audacity to go out and find and enjoy spending time with.

The same thing goes for interacting with MOTOS. When any MOTOS interaction, even 100% "covered" with many people around and serving ones there to keep things kosher (which again, I agree with) is essentially equated with sex, then you end up not being able to have any interaction without mentally equating it with sex. Then as you get older and find yourself wanting sex and companionship in a proper way (waiting until marriage, etc), you cannot even do what you need to do to get there because to get married you first need to interact with a MOTOS. You need to open yourself up to them, make eye contact, laugh, smile, find common ground, enjoy being around each other, let your guard down. But when the thought that doing just one of those things is like drunkenly circling the evil well of Hades and lust, you have no way to do the normal human things you need to do in order to get to the place where you know and like them enough to get married and are allowed to have sex. I am, as my username suggests, Trapped. In many areas, but this is a big one.

One elder mentioned in passing to me that he and his wife were high school sweethearts (they were not in the church at that time). It was said with a smile on his face and passed off as a good and sweet and commendable thing. I could have punched him. His mentality as a high schooler was not depressed and weighed down in that area, yet he was now a part of the group of the ones in the church that make sure the mentality of young people like me are depressed and weighed down. It's the mental prison and the unrelenting fear and shame of normal things. That is why it is so hard to get the struggle and the despair across to people....because it's not an external, visual, measurable thing.

04-16-2018, 09:50 AM	#12
Trapped Member Join Date: Mar 2018 Posts: 1,523	Re: Relationships/Courting No one here has complained "They wouldn't let me be alone with a MOTOS!" (abbreviating "member of the opposite sex" so I don't have to keep typing that whole phrase) or "They wouldn't let me be unhindered and uninhibited and do whatever I wanted with a MOTOS!" Of course in the YP meetings, SSOT, any YP trips, in college, etc we were around MOTOS. We are not complaining that there were serving ones around to make sure everyone was safe, taken care of, and two people didn't run off and do something that would devastate their families and the church. What has created long-lasting, life-affecting issues is the constant, "is that a MOTOS? RUN AWAY!!! FORNICATION!! You had a conversation?!?!? SINFUL!! YOU WERE CIRCLING THE WELL OF PREMARITAL SEX! YOU SMILED WITH THEM ABOUT A COMMON INTEREST?! YOU WERE INCHES AWAY FROM RUINING YOUR LIFE AND YOUR BODY AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND THE SAINTS AND THE CHURCH AND YOUR PARENTS AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN RUINED IRREVOCABLY!!!!" I had a circle of (non-church) friends in high school who were just about the most innocuous group well-behaved, high achieving, normal guys and girls that any parent would love for their own children to have. They sought me out and included me because I was so fearful of getting "yoked with unbelievers" that I couldn't reach out and make normal friendship connections. The few times I went over to their house, while they were laughing and making jokes and having a great time (and yes, there were guys and girls sitting in the same living room), I could barely interact or relax or simply have a clear-headed, fun, enjoyable time with them (100% non-sinful) because of the massive weight of the "who are your friends? STAY AWAY!!" relentless drumbeat that had been drilled into me year after year. Those kind of happy childhood friendships were not something I was allowed (mentally) to have because of how evil and dangerous HAVING FRIENDS was made to be. As an adult I cannot fathom how any group of adults could collectively agree to teach impressionable young people that having friends is a bad and shameful thing. But it is still in me as I do not have any friends outside of the church and the thought of doing so still, as an adult, makes me feel like I would be rebelling or "stepping outside the safety of the ark" or would somehow get the divine retribution and I would get in some horrific car accident while driving somewhere with these evil non-saint friends that I had the audacity to go out and find and enjoy spending time with. The same thing goes for interacting with MOTOS. When any MOTOS interaction, even 100% "covered" with many people around and serving ones there to keep things kosher (which again, I agree with) is essentially equated with sex, then you end up not being able to have any interaction without mentally equating it with sex. Then as you get older and find yourself wanting sex and companionship in a proper way (waiting until marriage, etc), you cannot even do what you need to do to get there because to get married you first need to interact with a MOTOS. You need to open yourself up to them, make eye contact, laugh, smile, find common ground, enjoy being around each other, let your guard down. But when the thought that doing just one of those things is like drunkenly circling the evil well of Hades and lust, you have no way to do the normal human things you need to do in order to get to the place where you know and like them enough to get married and are allowed to have sex. I am, as my username suggests, Trapped. In many areas, but this is a big one. One elder mentioned in passing to me that he and his wife were high school sweethearts (they were not in the church at that time). It was said with a smile on his face and passed off as a good and sweet and commendable thing. I could have punched him. His mentality as a high schooler was not depressed and weighed down in that area, yet he was now a part of the group of the ones in the church that make sure the mentality of young people like me are depressed and weighed down. It's the mental prison and the unrelenting fear and shame of normal things. That is why it is so hard to get the struggle and the despair across to people....because it's not an external, visual, measurable thing.